Lois Lane in: 8 Miles of Trouble

One of the lesser known facts about Superman’s girlfriend, Lois Lane, is that she was a big fan of the sitcom Home Improvement. So much so that she decided to take her winter vacation to the city that inspired Tim Allen’s magnum opus, a suburb of Detroit called Royal Oak. Sadly, the bus guide she got had a typo and she ended up missing the bus to the burbs. Instead she caught a ride to the infamous 8 Mile Road, located right on the edge of the poorest and blackest section of the city.

Stepping off the bus, Lois was greeted by the sights and sounds of a urban ghetto. There were no magnificent structures of glass and steel, the norm in Metropolis, just dirty concrete buildings that brought down Lois’s spirits. She heard some music coming from the passing cars, but Lois preferred calling it noise. Plastic bags blew down the street, prompting Lois to think, “Wow, people here are lazy. Where I come from everyone puts trash in the proper receptacles.” There was nothing like the great planters of Metropolis in this city; the only things around that grew looked too her like they were a few days away from death.

Not everything was as dilapidated as it came off to Lois, such as new Cadillac in the parking lot and a pretty nice plant in front of the local Domino’s. Even if she noticed these things it wouldn’t have helped her, as anything or anyone with good vibes here seems so fragile against what’s wrong that it wouldn’t have calmed her.

Her initial impressions should have been enough to scare her off, but she decided to press forward, convinced that around the corner were the safe neighborhoods she saw on the television. But all that was there were more dilapidated buildings and dying things. The farther she walked the more afraid she became, passing by dark alleys where she was convinced something was going to pop out at her.

Up to this point Lois had been able to avoid looking at people, which was somewhat easy to do as everyone was indoors and out of the cold. Still, an approaching group of teenagers caught her eye, wearing FUBU sweatshirts and using words she didn’t understand. A cold chill went down her spine. “Black people!” sounded the alarms in Lois’s head, “They probably have guns! They’ll shoot me and take my purse! Whatever shall I do?”

The answer came to her. “Help me Superman, help me!” she screamed.

A dot appeared on the horizon that was neither a bird nor a plane. It came down and picked up Lois with a swoosh, lifting her to the sky, above 8 Mile Road and all it’s inhabitants. Looking down, she saw the city below her shrink and eventually fade away as she was pulled into the clouds. It wasn’t the first time she had been picked up in such a manner, but each time she was reminded that she was one of the most important people in the world.

Lois was dropped off on the balcony of her home in a comfortable neighborhood far from Detroit. She walked through the sliding doors into the bedroom she had decorated and knew every corner of. After she climbed into bed but before she fell asleep, a voice whispered in her ear, “You’re safe now. Everything is fine.”

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While walking home from 7/11 after finishing her grocery shopping, Shnequa DeWillams paused to watch Superman carry Lois into the sky. She looked amused by the whole thing, but her smirk held a hint of sarcasm. “Another day saved,” she whispered to herself.

Eventually Superman and Lois disappeared into the clouds, so Shnequa continued her walk home. She thought about things for a bit and the expression on her face turned from amusement to something more angry and sad. Her mind had drifted to the usual subjects, her son, who was failing out of school, and her sister, who had started smoking crack again. She wondered if Superman was going to save them.